Flowers burn deep within her lungs. Blood stains the toilet as the young troll coughs and hacks out a flurry of white, soft petals. Her throat burns and itches raw as she pauses her onslaught to swallow the remaining petals, hoping to soothe the burning that lingers in the back of her throat.
It doesn’t do shit regarding the stinging pain, but at the very least she doesn’t feel the urge to vomit anymore. A weak sigh escapes her as she stands and flushes the toilet, absentmindedly watching as the olive-tinted water filled with clots and once-white petals disappears down the drain.
Nepeta presses her back against the cold wall of the bathroom, sliding down.
Knees tucked against her chest, head buried between and arms wrapped around for comfort, Nepeta thinks of how much she aches, the cold bathroom floor having no doubt dug her creased pants into her legs, leaving marks that’ll most likely fade within the hour.
It’s not just her knees that ache. She knows this, and yet, despite her special interest in love and all to do with it, she refuses to acknowledge the feeling bubbling within her.
Jade Harley has her heart in the palms of her hands, has sown the seeds of love that blossom into the poisonous Oleanders which seem to permanently reside at the edge of Nepeta’s throat.
Stupid. she thinks, the ringing of the bell passing through her ears like air, only registering to Nepeta seconds after it’s stopped.
Class starts in five. She needs to get moving.
But she doesn’t. Instead, she chooses to stay hidden within the bathroom walls a little longer, offering herself one more minute of safety from the grey, damp world that awaits her outside. One more minute, she promises, Then i’ll leave.
One minute becomes two. Then three. Then the next bell rings, and Nepeta finds herself scrambling to her feet, throwing her bag over her shoulder and briskly walking to her next class in the freezing winter air, all while the urge to cough returns.
English ticks by agonizingly slow. Usually this is one of Nepeta’s favorite classes, as writing is a favored pastime of hers. Today, however, the universe doesn’t seem to be fond of her. Gingerly, she sighs, and slowly pulls a worn journal from her backpack, hoping to at least have something she can do with her hands.
The Shipping Journal was something Nepeta had been doing since 6th grade, and while some would question detailing the love lives of real people, Nepeta never actually let herself get involved. It was more documentation than anything, an observation of the trolls and humans around her.
Notably, there was a lack of pages involving Nepeta herself. The only page detailing anything about her was her moiraillegiance with Equius. (Which is still going strong, she might add).
Another thing to note are the lack of pages containing a certain Jade Harley. Nepeta tells herself she’d get to it, eventually.
Her fingers still, pencil frozen above paper. She does not move.
The adrenaline that courses through her veins prevents her from writing, the memory of the petals and the itching in her throat keep her pinned to her seat, pencil in her frozen hand while her eyes stare down the empty page. It takes everything for her not to cover it with oleanders.
Silently, she prays. Nepeta does not believe in any god, yet in this moment, she dares to hope. Dares to call for help, to plead and beg for her sickness to disappear. She prays the Hanahaki fades into a memory she’d wish to forget.
If there is a god, he does not answer, and the flowers remain.
Hanahaki Disease.
When Nepeta was 6 sweeps old, her friend Sollux had found Vriska hacking away in an abandoned classroom, pale red carnations tinted with the cerulean blue of her blood, the petals gracefully fluttering around her and the trashcan she held onto like a lifeline.
Despite her protests, the first thing he did was bring Vriska to the nurses office, assuring her she would be okay. Sollux followed this up by messaging his friend group, which included Nepeta, informing everyone of what happened.
Vriska didn’t come to school for a few days afterwards.
An illness in which flowers grow within the victim’s lungs, causing them to cough up flower petals.
The girl’s name was Rose.
Vriska’s friends only knew this because Sollux claimed that was the name he’d overhear her give the nurse, as was protocol if a student happen to catch the disease.
Nepeta knew her from a group of four humans that hung out together, sorta like her friends, and thought she was nice enough. She didn’t poke fun at her fashion sense, and even complimented her plush cat, pounce, when she’d brought her to school once.
Yeah, Nepeta thought, She’d be good for Vris.
During class that day, she’d updated her Shipping Journal.
Typically only found in Matespritship, it is caused by one-sided love, and is cured once the victims feelings have been returned.
The next time anyone saw Vriska was about a week after the incident. She seemed more bitter than usual, glaring at anyone and anything that seemed to bother her. Which was, well, almost everything.
No one said anything, and it seemed everyone had unanimously decided not to speak of the incident, at least while the memory of it was still fresh.
That was, until, Nepeta noticed Vriska hack a flower into her hand during lunch.
“Vris,” Kanaya began, but she’d been silenced with a glare. Vriska flicked the flower away and went back to her lunch, determined to ignore her illness and it’s symptoms. Everyone, knowing what Vriska was capable of doing to people she didn’t like, awkwardly went back to their food and conversations.
Nepeta wasn’t having it.
It can also be cured through surgical removal,
After school, Nepeta caught Vriska at her locker and stopped her before leaving, “We need to have a talk.” She’d said.
It took a lot of convincing, but somehow she’d managed to get Vriska to agree to plan to confess to Rose.
They met up at Nepeta’s house that night, holed up in her room for hours as they spent their time planning everything to perfection; they both needed to make sure absolutely nothing went wrong.
Once all was said and done, (and Vriska’s mom had come to pick her up), Vriska gave Nepeta one of the most sincere looks she’d ever seen from the troll
“What if it fails?” She’d asked.
Nepeta bit her tongue. She didn’t have an answer.
but when the infection is removed, the victim's ability to form romantic feelings also disappear.
Nepeta arrived earlier than usual that day, and set about hunting for a certain wizard-loving girl.
Rose was, as Vriska had predicted, at the library. She was sitting at a table in the back, face buried in some sort of wizard novel Nepeta didn’t know the name of, clearly hidden away from the five or so other library residents.
The cat troll stood across from her, shifting her feet awkwardly as she greeted Rose, “Hi!”
Rose responded by lowering her book to look at the catgirl. “Ah, hello. Nepeta, was it?”
“Yep!” Her voice was a little louder than it should be, and Nepeta flushed a bit when she realized. Lowering her voice, she slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled from it a letter, handing it out for Rose to take, “My friend asked me to give you this!”
With a quizzical look, Rose gently set her book down, cover up, and took the letter. Before it could be opened or Rose asked any questions, Nepeta explained, “She wants a response by lunch, i’ll leave you alone to read and think about it, have a good day!”
Admittedly, it wasn’t the best conversation, but Nepeta didn’t think it mattered much. After all, she wasn’t the one confessing.
Not like she could do anything about that anyway, Rose had the letter, and all they could do now was wait.
Lunch rolled around, and despite her reputation and all the numerous hushed warnings from her friends, (and some others), Rose agreed to go out with Vriska.
Once Rose departed back to her own table, Vriska was met with cheers from her friends, and they spent the rest of the day teasing and congratulating her.
As time passed, and their relationship became more serious, Nepeta noticed how happier her friend seemed, and she’d even become a bit kinder, too. Rose really did have a good impact on Vriska, and she was happy about that.
Most importantly, the flowers stopped.
Nepeta thinks that was the reason she’d even met Jade Harley in the first place. Had it not been for Rose and Vriska mingling their friend groups, Nepeta probably never would’ve even spoken to her.
She sighs and closes her laptop, research long abandoned. Google couldn’t give her the answers she needed. She knew what the disease was, and how it affected someone, but she wanted to know just how the hell she could convince Jade Harley to give her a chance.
They don’t have a friendship, per say. More of an acquaintanceship, if she was being honest. Nepeta did have actual conversations with Jade before, and they do have similar interests, but those conversations were brief, and in the presence of three or more of their mutual friends.
Besides, Nepeta has the feeling Jade doesn’t really care for her. She doesn’t think it’s hate, more of a ‘she could care less about me’ type of feeling.
Another flower threatens Nepeta with another coughing fit, and she abandons her room and laptop in favor of the bathroom toilet.
How she’d been able to keep this a secret for as long as she has; Nepeta didn’t know. She doesn’t even remember when she first noticed the symptoms, or how she knew it was Jade, she just had that feeling.
She doesn’t know what she wants less, to keep suffering in silence like this, or for Meulin or someone to walk in and find her coughing out flowers.
The thought of someone finding her and forcing her to a doctor makes Nepeta shudder. Admitting her crush would mean she’d have to face the fact of losing the ability to love someone ever again.
It would make this all real, and Nepeta doesn’t think she can deal with that.
Truth be told, she doesn’t know why she’s so scared.
Nepeta’s whole thing with romance has always been ‘If you like someone, tell them! What’s the worst thing that could happen?’
Now, though, she has an answer to that question; death. If Nepeta were to be rejected by Jade, she’d no doubt be forced to get the surgery, and lose all her romantic feelings for good.
Maybe that’s why it’s so frightening; the thought of losing any sort of romantic feelings she has, or could have, scares her. Especially when it involves Equius.
Her research tells her Hanahaki only affects red feelings, but she's read accounts of people losing their pale and black feelings once they’d had the surgery.
She couldn’t, and wouldn’t, lose Equius. She’d rather die.
They were killing her, these flowers; literally and figuratively. Most of her days once spent drawing and writing, she now spends her time researching anything she can regarding her illness.
Surgery couldn’t be her only option. There had to be another way.
(Well, there was, but Nepeta considers that option to be suicide)
Meulin, ever observant, had noticed her change in behavior. Just this morning, she’d asked if Nepeta was feeling alright, and offered to call her in sick if need be. She’d waved her older sister off, insisting she was fine, just in a small funk due to tests.
Meulin wasn’t the only one who’d noticed. Equius was concerned, possibly more so, often coming over to her residence after class and requesting to see her. Nepeta, as worried for her relationship as she was, didn’t want to see him. Fearing she’d only make the flowers, and situation, worse. She wants to keep her distance until she can figure out a proper solution.
Equius may worry, but it’d be worth it in the end, she’d promised him that, even if he’d never know.
The wind blows past, grounding Nepeta while reminding her where she was. The grey palette of the morning does nothing to calm her nerves, giving her a feeling of looming dread. Her first period lies ahead of her; Math. It’s not her favorite, but she doesn’t hate it.
Really, she just wishes she wasn’t so tired.
Vriska's catching on.
Nepeta doesn't think she knows yet, but she has a feeling Vriska thinks something's up. She's been spending more time with Nepeta, choosing to escort her to class at risk of being late for her own. To outsiders, or people who don't know Vriska, it may seem like a friendly gesture, but Nepeta knows Vriska's waiting for her to bolt into a bathroom, or an emtpy classroom. Luckily, Nepeta hasn't cracked. Yet.
Vriska is the last troll she wants knowing about all this. With how relentless Nepeta was at getting her to confess to Rose, there's no doubt Vriska would return the favor.
It seems she's already trying to, as when Nepeta opens her locker the last thing she expected to see was an invitation to a birthday party for one Jade Harley.
And yet, in Nepeta’s hand sits a note written in bright green crayon inviting her to celebrate Jade's 15th birthday, detailing where and when said party would be taking place.
"Soooooooo," A very familiar voice creeps up behind Nepeta, startling her enough to make her jump. "What do you think?"
Her brain's first response is to act confused. "I mean, thank you? But I don't know why one of Rose's friends would invite me to her party."
Vriska rolls her eyes. "Cut the shit, Leijon. I know about your little crush on Harley."
Nepeta thinks she could die in this school hallway. She very well could, if the flowers decided now was the time, though it seems the moment she needed them most they've finally left her alone. Ironic.
"How."
"Be honest, your not that subtle. I've seen the way you look at her at lunch, like a lovesick puppy." Vriska snickers at that one. Ha ha, how funny. "But seriously, it's not that big a deal. Hell, me and Rosie'll even help you pick out a gift."
The rest of the conversation is like a buzz in her ears, Nepeta's brain choosing to fixate on the fact Vriska doesn't know the extent of her crush. She's a bit conflicted about that, but overall happy not to have someone worried about her.
Somehow she managed to be present enough to hear when Vriska and Rose want to meet her at the mall: The next day at about 12 in the afternoon. Nepeta could manage that, it's a saturday, so none of them had school, and she could get her mom to drive her over. As for money, she has some saved up from a summer where she babysat. The job definitely wasn't for her, but at least she managed a lot of cash.
The rings of the bell filled the halls, signaling the end of the day. Nepeta grabs her books and fled out of the school, tossing her bag in the backseat of her moms car and settling herself in. The ride home consisted of music from the radio and Nepeta trying not to make a bloody mess of the car seats.
Hopefully, that isn't something she has to worry about for much longer.